SHOCK!

As I was listening to Rush Limbaugh this afternoon, he said what I said in my last blog post! That if Karl Marx were alive today he would be rejoicing over how he'd infiltrated American thought....sight unseen!

Sad days.

Ronald Reagan

Last night, I had the privilege to watch a PBS documentary about Ronald Reagan. It was moving. As I was watching, and feeling proud that I had used my first vote for president on him, I wondered about how he would be received today. He called not only communism EVIL, but those countries who held fast to it EVIL.




George Bush calls tyrannical, terrorist nations EVIL and people are shocked that he would use such a strong word! In our day of moral relativism and political correctness, folks who stand for good over evil are construed as unloving and uncompromising, insensitive and un-evolved! People who favor Capitalism are called greedy and power hungry.

Ronald Reagan's passion was to eliminate the threat of nuclear war in his time and to defeat communism and support all of those people who no longer wanted to be subject to the tyranny of it. For him..communism was BAD, EVIL and worthy of destruction for the sake of all people world over.

Communism is based on the ideas of Karl Marx.

As I was reading about this this morning, I was shocked to note that many many Americans completely agree with this philosophy!!! The very evil men and women have died to eradicate in our world has become the mantra of so many, including the mainstream media, in this country...Capitalism is BAD! We want more rights for the workers! The workers are being exploited by the business owners!

Reagan must be rolling over in his grave.

What is the pupose of education? (warning: RANT)

Sorry, no pictures this time.

I have been thinking back to about 16 years ago when I first considered homeschooling. A friend had given me an article to read about the true agenda of public education..to subversively indoctrinate the children to believe that authorities and experts and even those in government know what is best for citizens of this country. That the collective needs of the society were of more value and importance than every person's freedom to choose what was of value to them and their family AND how to pursue it. Individualism was despised and socialist agendas advanced.

Does this sound too shocking? Well it was a shocking idea to me as well, but I'd been raised in public schools and the undermining of parental authority was already obvious to me as an adult. In modern day public schools, God and mention of him or His ways and desires for His people, has all been eliminated and even prohibited. If it is allowed, this sort of talk is deemed opinion, not fact. This was not always so.

We live in a society where it is breaking the law to not send your kids to school. In NC, if I do not register in the public school, a private school or as a homeschooler and keep my kids home, I am breaking the law. I must answer to the state as to where my kids are during the hours of 9am-3pm. Even as a homeschooler, I must take daily attendance and submit it at the end of the year! The state MUST keep tabs on all of the school age children. It is their responsibility. Huh? What happened to PARENTS being responsible for the whereabouts of their kids? It is truancy for a kid to take a family vacation during the school year..even if they do the work beforehand???

Many people pay thousands of dollars in taxes to invest in The System of Public Education. Every year, they ask for more. More money will help the kids to succeed more!! Pay the teachers more! Buy more educational stuff! Get bigger buildings! All of these things will MAKE KIDS LEARN...WE PROMISE!!!

I'm sorry, throwing money at a problem does not necessarily fix it. By government standards, we are a poor family. We do not have modern textbooks implementing the newest tactics for teaching any particular subject. We have many books, workbooks from days gone by that others threw away or abandon for the sake of something more innovative!

I have never spent more than a few hundred dollars in one year for all of the kids ..because arithmetic doesn't change. Neither does grammar, history or science (for the most part). What does change is the interpretation of those facts.

In this article by Samuel Blumenfeld, there are a few quotes that I found particularly interesting.

Fyi - John Dewey's system of education is what is practiced here in America to this very day. Accomplishing exactly what it set out to do.

John Dewey (the "father of progressive education,") was greeted with enthusiasm by Soviet officialdom when he visited Stalin's Russia in 1928; and he, in turn, was smitten by the Bolshevik experiment and became one of its most prominent promoters. In his 1929 book, Impressions of Soviet Russia, he rhapsodically refers to the communist system as "nobly heroic, evincing a faith in human nature which is democratic beyond the ambitions of the democracies of the past."

"The Russian educational situation," Dewey averred, "is enough to convert one to the idea that only in a society based upon the cooperative principle can the ideals of educational reformers be adequately carried into operation." Dewey acknowledged that Soviet propaganda was omnipresent and heavy-handed, but that was okay, since "in Russia the propaganda is in behalf of a burning public faith." He was particularly appreciative of "the role of the schools in building up forces and factors whose natural effect is to undermine the importance and uniqueness of family life" in Soviet Russia.

Why do I even care about this?

Truly it makes me ill to know that there are adults in our country actually do believe what the State says is true: namely WE know what is best for you -
the education WE will provide you,
the health care system WE will give you,
the retirement plan WE have devised..
even the gas WE decide it would be best for you to have (do not get me started on how ethanol costs MORE to make that unleaded gasoline and makes you get worse mileage).

Just TRUST US (the State!!) to take care of you! Doesn't that sound like communism to you?
Vote us in and we will make sure you have everything you need! You won't have to work your finger to the bone any more!

WE will provide you with jobs!
WE will regulate food costs,
WE will tell banks that everyone can have loans to buy a house in America...because that is their right even if they do not have money to pay! (Thanks for that Bill Clinton!)
WE will make sure that the wealthy will pay, not you! (hmm sound like Robin Hood stealing from the rich and giving to the poor to you?)

Punish those who can think and succeed in business because they do not follow the beat that the Drummer has laid out for them. Punish those who speak of God and His accomplishments! Punish those who don't give their children to us! Punish them..make them pay!! Instead reward those who follow blindly and say "Yes, master" like obedient slaves ought.

The Sky

The weather earlier in the week was just gorgeous; a clear blue sky, cool and breezy and pollen-free. Having such a perfect day, all of the children took advantage of it and ran to their hearts content.

Youngest child threw himself on the grass to rest from all of the fun. As he lay there, he looked up at the sky.

"Look up there! I see the sky! It is beautiful and blue! Just like my eyes!"

Another special day...

Tomorrow, my baby turns three. I can't believe it. He is such a dear. He has such a happy disposition. I hope he is always as sweet and comforting as he is now.


Anyway, today I make the Teletubbie ice cream cake, the Teletubbie costume, a Super Why tee shirt...what else? Wrap a few presents. What does a kid who has 8 older siblings need??? Nothing except candy of course!

A Special Day

Yesterday, my oldest dear daughter came home from college for the weekend. We were all very excited to have her home. Son #2 who is 11 said, "Mommy, today is the Best day." I asked him why and he replied, "Because my sister is coming home!'

He and his 12 year old brother cleaned their room to perfection yesterday in anticipation of the event. They share oldest daughter's old room, and wanted her to have it back while she stayed.

But there was a problem! Little sister #3, age 7, had cleaned HER room to perfection as well..hoping her big sister would sleep there! This sister also had big plans..to read to her biggest sister the Dick and Jane book she had gotten out of the library on Thursday. She had read it about 7 times so far and wanted her big sister to be proud of her. Isn't that sweet?

Dear daughter #1 asked me if I'd pulled out our copy of The Dick and Jane Treasury for her little sister to enjoy. I got to tell her that this little sister had ALREADY read the whole thing! (which is why we have chocolate cake in the house...to celebrate this accomplishment!)



And how did the day round out? Well, with a poker game of course! Dear son #1, age 12, opened his new poker set he'd just bought and he and the 6 older ones laughed and argued together just like always.




A special day indeed!

You're Gonna Miss This

This song makes me cry every time I hear it.

I miss college. It was one of the most wonderful times of my life...singing in tour choir was my real joy.

I really miss my first apartment...in the very worst part of Yonkers..and how God protected me there from the burning cars and creepy neighbors.

I miss my Pre-K classes..those kids are 24 now. Most didn't even remember me when I went to visit them when they were in 2nd grade.

I really miss Sem days and living across the hall from dear dear newlyweds like us...from southern California..and our baby, Honey-cat.

I really miss new babies...so much. I held a new baby recently who cried because I wasn't it's momma..that was really hard.

I really miss living in Michigan (I can't believe I can even say that now.) and southern Illinois.

Don't get me wrong, I love our life now. We have it sooo much easier than we had it then. I can't imagine how I will feel 40 years from now!

My Favorite Number

5 year old son: "Mommy? What is your favorite number?"

Mommy: "Hmm. I think it is 9, dear."

Son: "Why Mommy?"

Mommy: "Why do you think?"

Son: "Because Sammy is 9."

Mommy: "No, that is not the reason. What do we have 9 of in our family?"

Son: "Children"

Mommy, thinking carefully: "What number did you want it to be?"

Son: "5 and 2"

Mommy: "Why? Because you and your baby brother are 5 and 2?"

Son, sheepishly, but with a grin: "Yes."

Mommy: "Well, I do love the two of you best, but let's not tell the others ok? Cause they might be sad. Good plan?"

Son nods his head and kisses and hugs Mommy.

Look upon the snake and you shall live!

In Sunday School today, the Bible story was that of Moses raising the snake on the pole to heal those bitten by the poisonous vipers.




God had led His chosen people out of slavery. God had parted the sea to enable them to escape Pharaoh's clutches on dry land; and not only that, He closed the sea over their pursuers!

They complain when Moses is up on the mountain speaking with God himself, that he is up there too long and they abandon the One True God who is in their midst continually in the cloud of smoke by day and the cloud of fire by night. That cloud was upon the mountain right in front of them..but in their impatience they decide that they should fashion a golden calf and worship it and praise it for rescuing them.


Continuing on in their travels, they complained unto Moses over their lack of food and water. God miraculously provides manna, quail and water for all the days of their journey, their 40 year journey...not unlike the Bread of heaven He sent to us, to save us!


Imagine that amidst all of these miracles they continue to complain. God lets His wrath pour out upon them, sending poisonous snakes to bite and kill them. They deserved His punishment! They quickly repented of their sin, begging Moses to speak to God on their behalf. Moses did, and God answered their prayer. He had Moses fashion a golden snake upon a pole. All the people had to do was look upon the snake and God would immediately heal them.

There are several notable things in this story.

The obvious one..that Jesus, too, was put upon a pole to save God's people for a fatal wound: Sin.


And then we note the ungrateful attitude of God's people. They had miracle after miracle before their eyes, and yet they are repeatedly unfaithful!! It is an undeserved blessing that God remains ever faithful to His rebellious people. (Hosea repeats this theme as well, referring to God's unfaithful people as a harlot)

Then there is the rescuing. It never says in the story that God took the snakes away. He allowed His people to continue to be bitten because of their sin. They prayed for help and God sent the "medicine" to fix the deadly sickness brought by the snakes. (And indeed that snake in the Garden!)

Isn't it the same for us? We continually pray for God to rescue us from this sin-filled world. He does not take us out of it. He does, however, send us the cure..raised on a pole on our behalf. He, in His mercy provides the cure! He provides it over and over again! His Word declares us renewed by the washing of water and the Word. He strengthens us to face another day trusting in His provision by the gift of His own Body and Blood. And yet, despite these miraculous Gifts, we, too, forget Him, forget what He has done and what He can do.

These pictures are from the Ecclesiastical Art CD by Ed Rojas.
It can be purchased from HigherThings.org

Nothing is Impossible with God

The other night I was reading the Bible story about Balaam and his donkey to the 7 and 5 year old children. (Numbers 22-24). I get to the part of the story where Balaam's donkey says, "What have I done to make you beat me these three times?"

Rembrandt's rendering of Balak, Balaam and the Angel of the Lord

No exclamations from either of them that this is remarkable in any way. I read that part to them again, this time with emphasis on the part " and she said to him..." still no response. Then, surprised that they haven't said anything about a donkey talking, I ask them if they have been listening. They both respond that they have indeed been listening. I ask, "Don't you find it amazing that a donkey TALKED, like you or I would?" The five year old responded, "God is all powerful, Mom. He can do ANYTHING."

Faith of a child. It is a beautiful thing. "Of COURSE God can do that, Mom." Would that my faith were so unwavering.

Power Point

I am making a Powerpoint presentation. Why? I have been afraid of trying it for years. My oldest had to do her first one ever last year at the community college. I figured that if she could learn in a few days, maybe I would be able to as well. It would help me to know as dear daughter #2 will have to her first one this semester.

I decided to use a Veritas Press song of the Presidents as my "template." I have yet to figure out exactly how to put music to it. Maybe I shouldn't and just have us sing along as we watch.





#1 George Washington, #2 John Adams, 3 was Thomas Jefferson ...

John Adams

We are studying American History this year.

Here is a quote from a children's book called The Revolutionary John Adams by Cheryl Harness.



"I am well aware of the Toil and Blood and Treasure, that it will cost Us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States - Yet through all the Gloom I can see Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see the End is more than worth all the Means. And that Posterity will triumph."

John Adams, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, July 3, 1776

"Posterity! You will never know how much it cost the present Generation to preserve your Freedom! I hope you will make good Use of it. If you do not, I shall repent in Heaven that I ever took half the pains to preserve it."

John Adams to Abigail Adams, April 26, 1777

In light of the political landscape this election year, we would do good to remember and take to heart the vision of our founding Fathers.

History knowledge

First, I have to admit, my knowledge of history of any sort is pitiful. My dear husband knows all about it and has told me the same stories over and over and OVER and I still only remember snippets. "Surely you learned this in history class?!" he says..um Dear, this 7th grade girl..ok high school girl, did not care about those things at that time..I cared about OTHER things....like boys.

SO when I read or learn something new to me, I'll share here. This may help things to stick in my mind..unlike telling my children whose eyes glaze over like mine!

Funny story. When I was first married, I taught seventh grade in a Lutheran School. Stop laughing. I know I am better with little people..God taught me a lesson that year..NEVER tell anyone what you will NEVER do. I am glad to say I survived and so did they.

Back to the story. I knew I could teach them math, English and science. History scared me to death. I prepared the most for that subject. (Oh how I wish I could do it over now..with homeschooling materials!) Somewhere along the way that year, I asked them what their favorite subjects were. Then I asked them what they thought MY favorite subject was. Every kid agreed that History was my favorite!

Mortgages

Why is the housing foreclosure situation a surprise to people?

Five years ago, when we were buying our first house,we started applying for pre-approved loans. Our credit was excellent so that was in our favor. We had a significant amount of money in our retirement accounts so we were a good risk there as well. The down side? Dear husband's salary was very small and I didn't work and we had (then) 7 children and one on the way.

Would you believe we qualified to borrow $225,000?????

On what planet? We KNEW we could only afford a $500 per month payment tops, a house that would cost LESS than $100,000. If we had borrowed all of the money that was offered to us, we would be in foreclosure right now too.

First of all, if WE knew we could only afford < $100,000, why didn't the bank?
AND do other people really borrow whatever the bank offers them? And if they do, why do they not know that an adjustable rate mortgage will kill them a year or two from now?

We needed to get two mortgages to cover our cost. The first we locked in at 5.5%. The second we secured an adjustable rate of 4% for a much smaller amount of money. We were diligent in paying extra on that one every month so that we could pay it off as soon as possible. After just ONE year, the interest rate had jumped to almost 8%! At that time we just put the remaining balance on a 0% for a year credit card and paid it off. We used the system to our advantage.

However, I was shocked that in just one year the interest rate had doubled..making the amount of money we owed significantly more than we bargained for (if we had held it for as long as we contracted.)

If those who borrowed borrowed the maximum allowed AND did an adjustable rate, of course they had to foreclose.

Why aren't the banks educating their clients? Why are borrowers not educating themselves?
Is the banking system designed to cheat, I mean make a profit at their clients' expense?

Please Help!

Hurricane Ike just decimated a community our little church supports . After Service, a member read to us a letter written by a local Lutheran pastor that described in horrifying detail what they've been through and are still going through. The pastor wrote about how the whole community of Gonaives is under many feet of water. The only reason he and his family were spared is because they had a concrete roof. They huddled on that roof through the night for 14 hours as the storm passed over them. They saw animals of all kinds and people of all ages get swept away. The buildings are gone...except one 4 story building inside which 300 people wait for help...the first floor is submerged in water. There is no clean water, there is no food. His four year old hasn't eaten in days and cries because she is so hungry. They have no clothes. They have no medicine. They are desperate as there is no way for anyone to get around except by boat.
Read about the suffering in this very community here and here.

Why isn't the news telling American of this travesty? Why do we care about the spotted owls losing some trees and some frogs losing wetlands and we do not even think to care about these people who live so close to us???

I know there are folks here in America suffering from the effects of Ike and Hanna. I do not mean to diminish their pain and suffering. The difference between them and the Haitians is that the Haitians DID NOT KNOW THESE STORMS WERE COMING!!! They are a very, very poor nation. What little electricity they have is in the hospitals and maybe the schools...that have been set up by outside missionaries, primarily confessional Lutheran missionaries.

Our gas prices jumped today to $4+ a gallon and more in anticipation of the shortage of gasoline due to Ike. How can I complain about having to use less gas when these folks have nothing? It seemed wrong to me today to walk through Super WalMart to see the wealth we have and there is no way to share? How can that be?

If there is anyway you can support these struggling folks, please contribute! There was a strong confessional Lutheran presence there and a seminary to boot, training Haitian men for the Ministry.

Haiti Lutheran Ministry and Mission Fund
P.O. Box 14275
Santa Rosa, CA 95402

photo courtesy news24.com

Milestones

As I was getting food ready to take to the pot-luck after second service, I heard my 14 year old discussing numbers with her 7 year sister. I got to hear the little one figure out what comes after 29...and then 39..and 49 and so on! I was very excited because this is the little dear who, last year, had to count on her fingers to figure out how old she was on her latest birthday..months after it passed.

This same dearie got up and dressed down to her sandals and had even done her hair and packed her purse just 5 minutes after I woke her! This is what happens when you grow up with three teenage sisters .

Next. Holding onto the almost three year old dear "baby" boy during church, I hear him saying "g" "o".."g" "o".."go" I turn around, and sure enough, on a banner behind us there is a banner that says "GOD" in capital block letters. (Meaning the "D" looks like an "O") I was proud. This evening,we were in the same situation, I was holding him and he was looking behind and saying "JOEY" "JOEY" after a minute of this I looked around to see what in the world he was talking about. Lo and behold, on the chalk board was "JOE" JOEY..of course! This is what happens when a little guy intently watches a 5 year old and a 7 year old have reading lessons everyday (and watches Super Why! everyday on PBS!)



Then there was the pot-luck.
Short version, 5 year old son accidentally bumps his 1/3 full cup of Sprite all over himself. Poor honey..the amazing thing was..he didn't YELL..he didn't cry or otherwise make any sound at all..he sat there let me wipe him off a little..and if that weren't wonderful enough, he didn't freak out when I whispered to him that I didn't have an extra change of clothes for him. I offered to take his pants off, put the 2 year old's shorts on him (they'd fit fine) and let the 2 year old run around in undies, but he said "No thank you." This is what happens when God is gracious..because if you knew this dear son, this whole CALM scene was nothing short of miraculous. I was thankful for how far he has come.

I got him another Sprite and told him to be careful not to spill this on on himself too..so he accidentally bumped it and spilled it all over me. You'll be happy to know I did not scream either..and was thankful I'd worn a black polyester dress..and the wetness didn't show at all. The women at the table next to us were very amused.

How did you do that?

I impressed my 12 year old son the other evening! His mouth dropped open and he exclaimed, "Mom! How did you DO that???"

It made my day. It was not an impressive act..to a mom. It is just one of the many things we do!

What was it you ask? As I was watching tv with my husband and my son, my two year old slept on the couch on the other side of the room. As he began to roll off the couch, I dashed over and caught him in my arms. He remained asleep as I put him into his bed.



Picture from one of the kids' favorite books: "More More More," said the Baby! by Vera B. Williams

Do YOU remember?

As a little child, during the Vietnam War, there were folks who carried signs that said, "Make Love, Not War!" I thought they were soo right! I had no idea what those signs really meant, I just knew loving people was much better than killing people.


I still believe that love is a better way..Love conquers all things, right? Yes, Christ's love conquers sin, death and the devil for us and gives us forgiveness, life and salvation!

I also think that God give us leaders. He gives us leaders to keep us safe and protect us. I think we must never, never forget that the freedom we have in this country was bought with blood. Even our right to complain about how "bad" we have it..is a right purchased by the sacrifice of many.

I do not wish evil on anyone...but I do wish for justice, and protection.

The first time I heard this song, I was in the car. I had to pull over because I couldn't see the road through my tears.

One more thing. It makes me SICK to hear politicians rant and rave how our president should stop bringing up that fateful day. It was a horrible day. There ARE those who hate us in this world and wish to do us harm, HERE. We must never let our guard down for one minute. We must not be so naive as to think they are no longer plotting to hurt us.

I'll stop talking about 9/11 now.

My feelings exactly

Remember

I attended college about 30 minutes north of New York City. I loved that I could just hop on a train and go into the City whenever I wanted. Three visits stick out in my mind; going up the Empire State Building, spending New Year's Eve in the streets watching the ball drop in person and walking on the roof of one of the Twin Towers.

Seven years ago today, we lived in a parsonage in Kansas. My husband was at a monthly pastor's conference over an hour away and I was over at the church photocopying. One of the girls ran over and frantically said I need to come home someone was waging war against the US.

I sat in horror, like so many others, glued to Fox News. I called my husband to tell him what was going on and another pastor there, who used to be an engineer, assured us all that everything would be ok, those buildings were designed in such a way that they could not fall down. We all know the rest of the story.
At the time, my brother worked in that area and I was so worried about him! As horrible as it was, even for him, I am grateful that he was in the crowd running away.

I still cry every time I remember. I think of the generation before ours who lived through Pearl Harbor and the resolve our country had to stop the evil once it was directed our way. I think about how it touched EVERYONE'S life; both civilian and soldier. I think about how thousands lost their lives each day to protect us. Thousands.

We lost thousands that one day in September. We haven't yet lost that many lives fighting the terrorists who attacked us that day. Not to in anyway diminish those who lost their lives to protect us, but what has happened in America that we do not want to continue to pursue the enemy? I know their are many views on this matter, but I think we are not the country we once were. I truly think we take our blood bought freedom for granted. While I agree that war is never what any of us want, it serves a purpose this side of heaven. Bullies cannot be won over with words.

Generally speaking, John McCain is not the man I really want to vote for. I did not want him to be the one to represent the Republicans because I think he is too liberal.

That said, he is the one I trust the most with the safety of the American people. He knows the terror of the enemy first hand and has the resolve to keep them off our soil. This, I believe is the most important responsibility the Federal government has toward its citizens - to protect us from our enemies. It is not their job to run the schools, or to provide jobs or health care or retirement income. It is not their job to act as Robin Hood and arbitrarily take the money from the rich and redistribute it to the poor.

I will never forget that fateful day seven years ago. I pray that no one in my family or yours has to witness that, or something worse, again in our lifetimes. Our freedom came at great cost. We need to realize and understand that amidst apathy and by underestimating the enemy, it can be quickly lost.

The Great Awakening

When I was a young teen, I thought my emotional experiences in worship situations were the Holy Spirit speaking to me. That is what my college age Lutheran Camp Counselors told me and I believed them completely! Thus began my emotional walk with God - straight to Lutheran College where I could have a mountaintop experience every day!!! What could be better?

(Why didn't I remember Jesus telling his disciples at Transfiguration that it could not be so? But that He would be with them anyway?)

Fast forward to the years I was teaching my little girls a song from our history curriculum...that included the Great Awakening as a significant movement in America's historical timeline. Huh? What was the Great Awakening? What was the Second Great Awakening? I had no idea.



From http://www.wfu.edu/~matthetl/perspectives/four.html:

"The Awakening reinterpreted the meaning of the covenant between God and his creature. In Puritan theology the focus was on what God has done for us. In the aftermath of the Awakening, the new emphasis was on what man can do in response to God's great gift. The responsibility for salvation is not God's but man's."

From http://nationalhumanitiescenter.org/tserve/eighteen/ekeyinfo/grawaken.htm:

"What historians call “the first Great Awakening” can best be described as a revitalization of religious piety that swept through the American colonies between the 1730s and the 1770s. That revival was part of a much broader movement, an evangelical upsurge taking place simultaneously on the other side of the Atlantic, most notably in England, Scotland, and Germany. In all these Protestant cultures during the middle decades of the eighteenth century, a new Age of Faith rose to counter the currents of the Age of Enlightenment, to reaffirm the view that being truly religious meant trusting the heart rather than the head, prizing feeling more than thinking, and relying on biblical revelation rather than human reason."

hmmm. Valuing emotional experiences over God's Word.....uh oh.

Long story short, when we get to the part in the history song that goes "...the first Great Awakening..." I added this comment: "..The first Great Awakening-BOO!" so the kids would know it was NOT the good thing that many Christians of that time unfortunately, believed. AND the song was written by folks who to this day believe it was a wonderful blessing to God's people.

Emotions

Many years ago, someone I deeply cared about said, "Lauri, your feelings don't matter." For an emotional person like me, this was the ultimate insult. I leaned on my feelings for everything! My understanding of the workings of the world was directed by how I felt. Even my relationship with God was determined by my emotional experiences. I had many "heated" conversations with this person about this disparaging statement.

As the years have passed, I have revisited that statement many times.

Over those years, I have come to understand, even appreciate the statement that previously offended me. I have learned that feelings change with the wind (at least mine do). The person who said that to me did NOT mean; "Lauri, your feelings don't matter to me." This person meant that how I felt about something or someone did not have any bearing on the facts; that how I feel in a moment of anger or pain may not accurately reflect the truth of a situation.

Now that I have children, I can easily see what this person was talking about!

It is often true that when two or more of the children are arguing about something, the feelings of the participants color the perception of the truth.

Likewise, it came as a shock to me that whether or not *I* felt anything, God was with me in the Divine Service. God said that whenever two or three are gathered in HIS NAME, He would be there in the midst of them. Each Sunday we begin worship IN HIS NAME..He is there. His Word is there...where His Word is there He will be...even if I am in a horrible mood because my kids were fighting the whole 35 minute drive to church and I feel like I hate them. Even if I feel completely unworthy to come into His presence, He still wants to see me! He especially wants to see me then, in my weakness an in all humility.

I am ALWAYS unworthy to come into his presence..even when I feel good! I am always a sinner even when I am not sinning at that particular moment. These things are facts. Happy faces or not, pretty clothes or not, Bible reading or not, attend every Sunday no matter what or not, send my kids to Christian school or not, serve on 12 committees or not, am a Pastor's family or not...I am always a sinner in need of being in God's house to receive His Word of forgiveness. And even then, no matter if I cry with joy or not when receiving that Life-giving Word, that Word still does what God sent it to do...makes me right with Him.


"But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

Romans 5:8

NOW, I find great comfort in knowing that it doesn't matter how I feel!

image from: www.2heartsnetwork.org

Dentist visit..do I need to say more?

I don't need to, but I will anyway.

First, let me say that I am a faithful dental appointment keeper. I make sure we all go every six months no matter what. I am obsessed with my teeth not falling out. I have dreams of them all getting wiggly and falling out in my hand and then I try to stick them back in and it makes matters worse by making others fall out as well. Even though I loved losing my teeth as a child, I have become increasingly grossed out by my children losing theirs. Would you believe that I am even obsessed with other people's teeth, wondering if they have had this or that dental procedure?


Tuesday I got another filling. I did better than last time.. I did not need "assistance" to overcome my anxiety. The negative this time? They used a rubber dam. When I got a fearful expression on my face, the dental assistant was surprised to know I had never had one before (I have a mouthful of fillings). She said that I could choose to forgo it, but it is easier for them. I said I'd try. Let me just interject here that I do not like having new things popped on me like that.

So. The assistant starts putting this THING across my mouth. It was horrible! I felt like she was cutting off my airway..I felt my tongue swelling! I felt my heart racing and my forehead beading with sweat..I couldn't breathe! I started thinking about how EVERYONE has this thing on them and they do not die..they are not afraid..they are not a BABY about it. boohoo!

I had to figure out a way to get through this. I wish I could tell you that I prayed and God comforted me. That would have been the appropriate way to handle my anxiety. Instead "Put on your big girl panties and suck it up!" went through my mind. I do not know why! I don't even know where it came from...but it helped. I calmed down and just waited for it to be over.

It took 6 hours for the Novocaine to wear off. I should have eaten breakfast....boohoo some more! By 4pm, I had a raging headache...as I cannot go that long without protein with out suffering.

My next appointment is scheduled for February.