A Choice?

This past weekend, a soon-to-be-seminarian posed a question to us. He'd read a book written by a pastor that detailed the first years of ministry in a small, NC congregation. The book surprised him because he could see the same situations and dynamics in our congregation. We laughed knowingly as, after almost 17 years serving churches, we knew there are similar struggles everywhere. He, however, did not laugh. In all seriousness, he wanted to know why would he want to subject himself on purpose to those sorts of struggles? In his own life, he'd struggled through many challenges, not the least of which was a recent bout with cancer. He declared that he didn't think that he was physically or mentally "up to the task."

My husband tried to say that it IS a challenge, but God provides strength from somewhere. I almost started crying on the spot, recalling some of the challenges we faced and how neither of us knew how God would work them out...but He always did. The burdens were very great at times, very painful, and yet, we both know pastors who have suffered even more than we have for the sake of speaking the Truth in love.

II Corinthians 12:10 That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

The man dismissed my dh's words, "Yes, yes, I know God will help me." and then went on to try to clarify what he thought my husband did not understand. Physically and mentally he didn't know that a 50+ year old man could endure just those aspects. What he did not understand was that, 50 or not, a beating is a beating.

All afternoon, I thought about something my dh responds to the question, "When did you know God wanted you to be a Pastor?" He always responds, "The day I was ordained to serve a congregation." and after that, whenever he was installed to serve another. Until that time, he prepared for what he thought he should do, never knowing for sure if that was God's plan for him or not.

I also thought about what my dh has chosen to do. He wants to tell folks about Jesus and forgiveness and give them "the Peace that Passeth all Understanding." He did not choose to struggle. He did not choose to be personally attacked or to have his family personally attacked. He did not choose to be poor or choose to be ignored or unappreciated. So many things he did not choose.

What this seminarian does not yet understand is that these struggles, while outwardly can be awful, are instruments of God's grace as well. These personal struggles have opened our eyes to see God's smallest blessings. They have caused us to cling more fervently to the Promises of Christ. They have caused us both to see the wickedness of all people, including ourselves and the desperate need for all to know that CHRIST did it ALL FOR YOU.

That even when you feel you can bear no more, you can tell the Truth yet again...hopefully planting or watering another seed of God's Grace.

It reminds me of being pregnant and childbirth. I have "easy, textbook" pregnancies. And yet, I do not enjoy being pregnant. I count the days til the baby pops out and the body aches and pains leave and the horrible mood swings go away. Labor..who can say that is fun?? Any mother will tell you that the pain makes you feel as if you are going to die and that there is no way you can accomplish this seemingly insurmountable task. I've even shouted (screamed) "I CAN'T DO IT!!!!" more than a few times. And yet, by the grace of God, I DID do it and I lived to breathe another day.

Serving the church is like that. There are SO many things a Pastor cannot do of his own choice. Hold his tongue and still speak the Truth in love. Give communion to those who have attacked him and his family..as the hand of Christ. Look at folks who despise Christ's Own Word, and continue to feed them the Word anyway like a parent feeds his beligerent child broccoli, because it is good for them. These things he does as God grants him grace..day to day, moment to moment.

As Christians, we are to bear each other's burdens. To bear..to deal with..to accept and help another with their weakness of not just bodily ailments (that is easy in comparison!) but patience with their lack of knowledge or faith, and loving them not just anyway, but despite their frailties.

I know that my poor dh has had to bear up with my ignorance and stubborness in spiritual things..he had no idea God used his "fights" with me to prepare him for challenges in the congregations he has served. But I hope and pray that as God has allowed me to grow and learn from him, dh can be encouraged to keep on preaching and teaching, realizing that if God can change this stubborn German, He can change anyone!