This passage has been on my mind lately: 34 So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself.Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Driving home from the Dr's visit yesterday, I was telling my dh how I just cannot think about how on earth we are going to raise yet another child. I look 20 years down the road and see us both at retirement age and I get tired just thinking about it! I get scared to death, actually, that I am so not up to the task! I cannot look at the big picture of raising our family at all. It makes me want to cry in despair because the job is too big. Looking back at these past 20 years I cannot believe all that we've been through and that I am very glad I didn't know in advance. I marvel that the older ones don't seem to messed up from our mistakes and now pray for their constant safety.
My point is, I can barely manage today. BUT if I think about only today and do what I am supposed to do today, it isn't nearly as overwhelming. I know I am going to not do my best, because I rarely do, and there will be some failure, but I also know my kids kow I love them and forgive them...that God loves them and forgives them and that someday, we'll all be in heaven where there is no failure, no sadness, no hurt feelings, no anger (5 year old dear son couldn't believe that one.."REALLY?" he asked) no sickness, no pain. I can't wait for that time!!!
I have heard more than once from strangers that they could never do what we are doing. What I wish I could just say is that I have those same feelings! You know what? I can't do it either! It is by the grace of God..truly..any of us HAVE kids let alone raise them to be productive adults who don't hate us :) or despise God. (or vice versa!) God gives what is best for us...so I am assuming that He is feeding my craving to never be alone! LOL or that quiet must be bad....LOL
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